Friday, April 27, 2007

Marrying a Greek

I have a dear friend that is married to a Greek Man. I find her opinions very interesting so I decided to put them on this blog, here is her humble opinions:

"It is not easy. Being married to anyone takes effort, hard work, patience and understanding but being in a close relationship with anyone outside of your own culture is all of this....and some more! I don't know how far my own situation reflects other non-Greek women who have fallen in love and thrown in their lot with their Greek man. The things you fall in love with become the things that, in excess, drive you crazy. Namely, these things in my own particular Greek man are:

1. His dramatic interpretation of things. When things are good, the drama and enthusiasm he displays are infectious and enjoyable. However, when things do not go well in his life, everything is exaggerated and he seems to have little ability to control his mood or see things logically. The high drama of a Greek tragedy is released and things get thrown around and smashed, loved ones are on the receiving end of verbal abuse and it seems all the Gods are converging over his head to bring him misery. Then things get better and it is all forgotten!!!

2. One thing I love about Greece is the strong family relationships but, in my humble opinion, Greek men never leave their mothers. She is always their in the background and he knows that whatever he does she will look after him. My own Greek mother-in-law is a dear soul and has been very supportive of me...but... she never expects her son to lift a finger to help and merely tuts when he creates a mess where she has just cleaned. When we are with her, if I am not picking up after him, tolerating his lack of consideration and generally making myself his dog's body then I am not being a good wife for him. Consequently, Greek men grow up to believe that a woman's place is to cook, clean and take care of the children. When my man is not in Greece he is a completely different person - well almost!

3. One thing I love about my Greek man is his spontaneity and ability to take risks, pick himself up and start from the beginning again when things go wrong. (Bearing in mind that reaching this point means going through the Greek drama outlined in 1 above). However, the downside of this is the too easy availabilty for him to gamble when we are in his home country .

Reading through this, I am not sure if she is perhaps merely talking about all men - not just the Greek ones. I would love to hear other people's opinions on this blog.

In my opinnion ,after all ,there is no Greek Culture without the participation of both sexes. In Greece men and women know how to enjoy themselves, go anywhere in Greece ,especially in the summertime ,and you will see many local festivals happening with everybody joining in.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I am Greek and I don't believe in stereotypes of the kind "the wife should just only cook " This is simply not the case anymore in Greece and practically is not happening as most of the Greek women do actually work and many are also very successful. On the other hand, I do agree that Greek men live in a circle of drama which occasionally might be tough for those close to them. Yet, being emotionally flat can be so boring!

April 28, 2007  
Blogger Leon said...

Well I am Greek and my wife is from Kent... I was reading this blog and laughed a bit, it is so funny and yes not miles away from the truth.
I thought I was the only greek bloke married in UK with a UK lass.
Anyway i forwarded this to my wife, see if she contributes...

May 02, 2007  
Blogger Joyus said...

I too am married to a Greek and I totally believe that the further away from Greece he is the more housework he is inclined to do.

He's very fond of saying that when he visits home his mother will ask him if he would like a coffee, his sister will say 'I'll make it' and his grandmother will say 'I've already made one' all the space of about 30 seconds.

On the other hand I have made him two coffees in the ten years we have been together...

May 02, 2007  
Blogger admin said...

I appreciate your comments keep on posting :)

May 02, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a young Greek man here in NY, I can actually relate to almost everything you post:

-dramatic mood swings and infectuous enthusiasm
-expects to do no cooking/cleaning
-overbearing mother

Of course, I realize that a successful relationship with a non-Greek or Greek-American girl involves plenty of effort, compromise and a shattering of "traditional" norms that followed Greek men for generations.

But it still funny to read this because more-or-less most Greek males are like this.

July 20, 2007  
Blogger Christina said...

Well, I live with a Greek man in Athens, and after i read the posts above I wanna say that when we talk about Greek man we have to make a difference between the country and the capital, also to take in ming if the guy spent some time out of Greece, because this is effecting a lot the way he behave. And yeah, a lot of the women here are actually working, but this doesn't mean that the men still don't expect from them to be the housewife..

August 03, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well to begin with,im an Indian by race and my husband to be is a Greek man.i was just curious and wanting to know more about it and tht's how im here..its true he have very great bond between him and his mum.on the other hand,im very close to his mum and she too loves me as her be honest,perhaps the family i met is indeed a special one with so much love and i feel gifted and hope it lasts for eternity.thanks for the info atleast i can be aware what's happening..hehe

September 23, 2007  
Blogger NavMan said...

Just a quick note. i'm an Indian-Australian Male and I am now living in the UK. I am involved with a Greek woman at the moment and want to marry her.

Things are quite hard. My lady is a woman in her early Thirties. Beautiful, Fantastic, and everything i want in a partner. She currently lives in greece (will be moving back to London in a few months).

The problem is that her mother thoroughly and completely disapproves of me. Even though she's never met me. I'm not Greek. I'm not Greek Othodox and I am most definetly not right for her daughter. This is causing a lot of tension for us. She wants to have her mothers approval and she wants to be with me. We have discussed marriage and we know we can find a way to make it work.

Does anyone here have any ideas on how to get around this scenario? I'll take any help I can get. I'm sure many of you will have gone through this. I would also like some input from the indian lady with the greek gentleman as well (as we may come from similar backs grounds) but general help would be more than appreciated.

Any greeks on this board could help then that would be great too.

Much appreciated.

October 11, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am an American woman who is engaged to a Greek man. Granted, he did grow up in the States- he remains Greek to his core. I found this site after "Googling" about the common concerns in a bi-cultural marriage. We are having trouble with our ability to compromise. He feels everything he knows and has been taught is correct while I on the other hand feel everything I know and have been taught is interesting and appreciated, but keep an open mind. We bicker and fight about issues that I don't feel are big and he feels are huge. Things like my going out alone with girlfriends, his jealousy, being married in the Orthodox church without any consideration to my religion, naming our first child after his father etc.

I am not sure how to handle this greek man and his stubbornness. I chalk it up to him being "Greek" but I am beginning to think it's a bit of an easy out.
Any thoughts?

October 24, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If we are talking in stereotypes here (LOL), I was born and raised a Southern Belle to the core. My husband is Greek to the core. Those two cultures may seem worlds apart to the outsider, but actually, I was very pleased to realize how similar they are. Because he is Greek, and loves his mother, he understands that my Daddy is my hero. Family, hearth and home are important in both cultures. Big family dinners, a flair for the dramatic and holding fast to tradition.....all these things are common to both cultures. It has been very interesting to me to embrace his culture. I converted to Greek Orthodox without any hesitation (I was Baptist), and am getting better all the time with speaking Greek. In turn, he has embraced some of the Southern traditions I hold close to my heart. It has been easier than I thought, to be honest...but only because my grandmother told me from the time I was little girl that when you get married you make your husband top priority and vice versa. I love him, and am only interested in creating a wonderful life with him. I trust him to take care of me and he is a great husband and father. I don't demand a lot of the "equal rights" for women stuff, because we Southern Belle's are strong enough to take care of ourselves, but feminine enough to enjoy letting a man have the task. My husband is a very kind, passionate man, and the love of my life. I can't imagine life without him....OPA!

November 11, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My roots are multi-cultural: Spanish-German-Filipino but I have spent most of my adult life in the U.S.; my husband is an authentic Greek (born and spent most of his adult life in Greece). Reading all the former comments, I think that regardless of one´s cultural background and experience, if two people who truly love each other enough are able to consider marriage, then all the personality quirks go out the window. After 25years together, we have managed to assimilate 5 cultural experiences/upbringing/experiences and could not envision life without each other. Life can be a wonderful journey if we get can over the silly stuff and focus on really important valuable things.

November 26, 2007  
Blogger Karen said...

I am writing a book about two women- one is married to a Jew and one is married to a Greek. Both women have converted to their husband's faith. I have the Jewish stuff down, but want to learn more about what it is like to be married to a Greek. What are the challenges? What are the joys? If you are willing, I would love to hear your views. Thanks.

January 11, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


After reading all this i feel that many of you are very pessimistic as persons.
I am a girl from Norway.For 2 years ago i met the most fantastic person in the world till now in my world-he is greek. I could never imagine that a made could have so good maners and that he really believe in love and put 5 thing high above: Love-respect-honesty-faith and believe.
He is conservative,but i have never met a man who is so easy to know.when he is angry he shows that,if he is sad he shows that and if he is happy he shows that.And he always sais what he means.Of course you dont have to be greek to be like that.You find different people all over the world.I mean that people must be people even though they are greek,english,norwegian og any.If 2 people really love each other there is no big distances.And challenges there are always when there is people.It depends on the personality and the chemistry-not the country.....I would love to hear more on this discussion...Love from a nice Norway girl 34 years old...Maybe soon married to a greek doctor who i adore.and he adore

March 05, 2008  
Anonymous elizabeth said...

I am an Australian and married a Greek in 1960, 10 year age difference. I was so in love with the dancing the music the weddings the lot, and despite all warnings of the major cultural differences and the fact that I would become the childbearer,cook lover,entertainer etc. etc. which I did, plus learn Greek which I also did my levendi turned out to be a disaster. He was in love with the queen of diamonds and her sisters,the greek club and the company of blokes which is a very innate Greek thing. The marriage did not last more than 8 years, but we had 2 beautiful boys, hybrid vigour does that, and strangely enough they have many of the characteristics of their dad. They work on mens type things and provide for their wives but domestic duties seem to belong to the females, and these boys grew up with me s the major influence, so perhaps some things do come in the genes. My husband now lives in
Athens with his 2nd wife who does all the things a good greek girl of our vintage does, the cookingh, the washing, the shopping etc. etc while he keeps her seat warm at the taverna and the card table. I know the new wave Greek boy has changed, but they do love their mums, which is nice, and if they could mimic their dads and get away with it they would. I will t always value what I gained from my Greek experience despite the negatives their were so many positives I have gained as a result of learning Greek and being accepted by their community. Elizabeth from Melbourne Australia

April 19, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was a very interesting post. I came across it because I Googled the phrase, "How to deal with Greek mothers who don't like American girlfriends." :) I too am a Southern belle and I am in a serious relationship with a Greek. He moved back to Athens recently and I am going to visit this summer...mainly for clarity and to see if the culture is something I can handle with any level of grace. While he assures me that meeting his family will be fine, I do happen to know that his mom is not my biggest fan. On the other side of the coin, my mom is nervous about my dating a Greek. I found the Anonymous comment about Southern and Greek cultural similarities to be encouraging b/c I have been looking for ways to see the positive and not just the potential hardships. This post, however, has clued me in on a few things I need to clarify if the relationship goes to the next level. Either way, it should be an exciting ride. Thanks.

April 21, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi.. interesting that greek men are emotionally scattered when faced with certain situations.. oh, the drama, i must have greek blood in me then, for i am the drama queen.. lol. But seriously, i have met a greek guy and he is very sweet, though i am not planning to marry him in the near future, but the idea is not bad! I have met quite a lot a number of people outside my own culture, and men are definitely the same everywhere.. dutch guy can be sweet too, an american guy can be so wobbly on the knees, the gentleman from Engladn can be a bit too pushy and the puerto rican can be too uncaring, at least, that's how they sound to me.. my point is, if you care to give closer look, men will be the same, no matter from what culture.. they can be so sweet, so unmacho, so otherwise... i love greeks. i love americans. i certainly love the dutch. and puerto rican have my thumbs up. i just wish, when that day comes, that one of their men come and ask me to marry him, some greek god looking one would come along, so i could have a good chance of having beautiful green-eyed babies.. ! ok,. so dont hate me.. it's just my opinion.. :)

July 28, 2008  
Anonymous Despina "All Greek Mothers should build shrines to their sons" said...

I am Greek Australian and it is very true that Greek mothers worship their sons. As a Greek daughter, I have found this throughout my life to be very nauseating to watch. Usually the mother over-inflates the son and the son actually grows to believe their is something superior about him as a male, that entitles him to be bestowed upon with such worship by all the females of the species. Thankfully however their are some Greek men who don't expect their mothers to wash their underwear when they are fully grown men and still single (there are few), if they are married they naturally just get their wives to do it. Additionally they expect to be worshiped for the rest of their lives whilst their mother complains to their wife that she is not good enough and does not do enough for her most glorious son.

August 05, 2008  
Anonymous gr-eek said...

Greek men - compared to other westerners - are living in box. They are highly opinionated and tend to dismiss any notion of them being too much this or too much that. When confronted with situations that ask for them to reconsider their lifestyle, they can easily rearrange the facts - to the point of willingly fooling themselves - and undermine the significance of the situation.

This "conservatism" - this unwillingness to change - is not rooted in their beliefs, they cannot really arhue about it. It's a subconscious fear of losing a safety net weaved by their mothers: to regard themselves as creatures meant to live in bliss, always innocent, always forgiven, deserving nothing but the best. If you ask around women in Greece what feelings they'd have if their children turned out to be mass murderers, most will say that although hard, they'd still love them and bring them pies in jail. This type of blind loyalty comes from centuries-long tradition of family being the only social organization to provide welfare for its members and is currently sustained by the lack of any serious state justice and welfare systems.

Living on such a spotlight is the foundation of the greek men's optimism and ability to quickly regroup. This may sound like a naive thaught, but as I see here and elsewhere, most women figure this out after spending some time together with a greek man. The approprietly termed "drama" that follows greek men (because the emotional scale is indeed "dramatic") is the result of this situation and can mean extreme happiness (greek men get happy for at least two people: themselves and their mother) but also extreme stress (for the same reason).

Marrying a greek man can be harder for women that are clueless about this and follow their heart on an impulse. If their greek man cannot handle realizing that this antique philosophy lies within him - it can be pretty hard - he will most likely not manage to deal with the problems to come, which will carry the entire weight to the woman and her own patience and flexibility. And if the woman makes this sacrifice - like greek women did and still do - then the story goes on (for one more generation).

August 18, 2008  
Blogger Devi Prasad said...

It’s really interesting to read the comments about Greek husbands in this blog!
-dramatic mood swings and infectious enthusiasm
-expects to do no cooking/cleaning
-overbearing mother and their culture as well
Can anyone explain me the other way around? I mean, I’m keen to know about the attitudes of Greek wives (married to non-Greek men)? I’m an Indian national have been living alone away from my homeland for about a decade! I’ve all my enthusiasm to find a Greek partner in my life. It’s also true, that I’ve overheard –Greek girls are socially restricted, not to marry foreigners! Are they really xenophobic? Racist? I serve a university in Libya –teaching English literature. It has been my old ambition to find a Greek partner! Are they really ANGELS ;)! Feel free to comment

August 22, 2008  
Anonymous Greek Lover said...

I found this post after I googled about converting to Greek Orthodox and have found this all very interesting!
I will be getting married to an absolutely wonderful Greek man, born and raised in Greece. I am Canadian and we met while working on cruise ships.
I love the culture differences and have been accepted and embraced fully by his family. I guess i am lucky because his Mom loves me, and she really is an amazing woman and cannot wait for us to be married. Greek women do not like me at all and will ignore me and be rude to me. I speak Greek but not with the correct accent, plus my fair looks are a dead give away that i am a "Greek Man Stealer" :) We have an open and honest relationship and I believe that this is the key to all relationships.
All i can say is that i love my Greek Man and look forward to being married to him and raising our children in Greece.

P.S Any tips on how to go about converting to Orthodox in Canada.

August 27, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well i have to say that my dream came true, my husband is Greek and i a Cuban American. He is wonderful,sweet, understanding,caring,loving etc.. I am very lucky and i love him each day more and more. There is a lot of drama but i like the excitment. He is my Greek Knight and i was waiting for him all my life. We have been together for 3 years and it has been a gift from God. This is the first time in my life that i have been in love,not to say crazy in love.

September 07, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I beleive as long as you understand the cultural differences and know that it will take work and compromising at times then enjoy what you have and stop looking at all the bad. Every relationship takes work, every person is different.
In my experience (I am from the U.S. California and my Greek boyfriend is born and raised in Greece) we have gone through tough times but also some of the best times i can remember. Yes he can be a bit dramatic but i drive him nuts when i am not emotional you have to understand it goes both ways. I now without each other we are i guess thats when you know its right, cultural differences or not.
As for friends in Greece, i have had no problem...i guess i am lucky...i have made a lot of friends and everyone is very friendly and helpful...

September 08, 2008  
Blogger Patricia V. Davis said...

Hi there,
I read your comments on this blog with much interest. Alex Roumbas, a writer at Bitch Buzz just recently reviewed my upcoming book on this subject and in it, she linked to your blog. I have to say, though my marriage to my Greek husband did not work out, many do. And I loved living in Greece. It sounds like your Greek man has a lot of redeeming qualities and that mother-in-law is rare in any culture. Maybe he's worth the extra trouble? Anyway, good luck and keep writing about Greece. I miss it so.
Patricia Volonakis Davis

September 10, 2008  
Anonymous krystal said...

I am 24 and with a Greek man who is 26. We have lived together since day one! And in his parents house!!!! We have had some dramas as you will all know!
His mother is the most amazing, beautiful woman and supports me 120%! Im allowed to tell him off for being lazy and i make him clean our house too! I am an Australian and if you know any aussies, were tough cookies and are not to be pissed off! Maybe my man is so amazing to because he is great enough to handle me!!
With all this said... My Father-inlaw HATES me with a passion! He told family that my partner was living with his GOMINA i dont think i spelt it right in english! But u get my point. We have been through so many hard times together and his father has caused many fights, but not with us! His fathers hatrid of me has only brought Pandelis and i closer together! Though with me gloating about how wonderful my man is, he is GREEK! and a typical one at that sometimes! The first blog about what her husband is like it pretty much what he is like too! I guess im doomed to live a life with a typical Greek man! But... Ive been training him and so far so good! hahaha

September 16, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found this blog after doing a search about Greek Men. I recently went on 2 dates with a very good looking guy from Athens (we both live as ex-pats in Prague, I am American). He seems quite charming and his English is fantastic as he studied in the UK for many years. He is very inteligent, and always pays for me.

After our first date he wanted to see me right away. It was too much for me, I had other plans anyway. He was so ataken back by this, he wrote me a very overly analytical email about his feelings for me and blah blah blah. I was shocked, I thought only women did weird emotional stuff like this.

We went out a second time, and I started to really like him. Then I asked him to go out again, at which he went began to throw in my face that I wouldn't see him immediatly after our first date. Well, I was again shocked I thought this man is an idiot he is sabotoging a potentially good thing. He did not follow through and make a date to meet me the next day. I wrote to him and said lets not play games, better to end it if you're not interested.

He wrote me the longest, most analytical, most emotional email I have gotten from a man, let alone a man I went on 2 dates with!!

I was so shocked, I was speechless.

I've been trying to figure out why he is doing this....and I think my best reason is that he is Greek, and this must be normal for them.

Making a big deal out of nothing or small things is not my idea of fun, and definatly doesn't put me in a sexy mood.

Any thoughts?

September 17, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I'll marrying greek this december... and I really got no idea about how to live with a different culture man, esp from greece like what been explained above. I admit now I'm pregnant with twin, and he's so stubborn about giving the names while he said his ears is not really friendly with a non greek name :S...
maybe everyone can tell me how to deal with it..

September 21, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am African American and currently engaged to be married to a Greek born and raised in Athens. He has been in America for twenty years and it is like he has never left Greece as far as culture goes. I have not met his mother in person but have conversed with her and other family members over the telephone through her son. She always ends the conversastion with "I love you" My man is very loving, forgiving, kind and would do anything for me. He is very dramatic and sometimes I find it hard to deal with, especially when we are having a difference in opinion. But I love him and am learning to diffuse these times. Another interesting part of our relationship is our difference in religion.

I would be interested in seeing how many other African Americans are currently involved with Greeks.

September 28, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I married a Greek woman and tried my best to make it work. Fact is, there are many things/differences that pull you apart if you are not able or willing to assimilate into the Greek culture. I didn't like the constant family obligations. The visiting. The negative view of anyone outside the Greek culture. I soon found that I was the only one compromising. Our child would be named after Greeks. We were married in the Orthodox church. 75% of our time was spent visiting her family. As the small family, Canadian, my way of living was second to theirs in every respect. So yes, it can work. But in my case, it didn't, because I'm not Greek, and never will be.

September 29, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am an Italian-American married to a Greek. A lot of this stuff is true, but its also about how you deal with things. My husband is DEFINITELY dramatic, hasn't cut the umbilical cord with his mother yet, expects me to do everything, has a penchant for gambling, etc. I wasn't accepted by his family at first, and it was very hard. I actually sat them down at the table and told them I would let go of their son for the sake of the family if that's what they wanted as a family-and boy-did that change things. They felt terrible and suddenly I was an instant member of the family. We still have our issues but I just have to speak up (which I am very good at). It shuts them down immediately. If I am wrong, I admit it though. We have terrible fights and my husband says I am the dramatic one, but in the end it always works out. I did not convert to Greek Orthodox-I absolutely refused to be baptised, since I already was as a baby. I did my research and presented the argument to their priest and there was nothing they could say. I was married in the Greek Orthodox church and we are raising our family GO. As for the gambling, I put my foot down - hard - and he stopped. I had to make threats and it worked. I have 3 boys now, and I am trying not to raise them to be mammoni, but unfortunately, it seems to be innate in their blood. (My brother and all my uncles were mammoni too, so I know what this is all about.) I guess we have been able to make our marriage work because we BOTH make compromises when necessary (even if we have to have a huge argument to humble ourselves to come to that conclusion) and I always voice my opinions and don't hold back or bottle them up inside. Communication is key.

October 01, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

advice from an old timer:
He is Greek I am foreign

Mother-in-laws: they are threatened by the idea that you wont want to come and live in Greece, and so they
loose their child forever
Do not let them have the key to your place. They dont understand the word privacy, its hillarious..they ll walk into your bedroom anytime to get that little thing they forgot. and that's really about THAT not curiosity!
A wise greek woman once told me: "Always say "yes" and then do as you like"..sounds tricky but you'll get there and the sooner the better hahaha
Be loyal to each other, dont let the Greek guy EVER take his mothers side in front of any argument. The mother will not realize it but you will boil over? Discuss and come to an aggreement afterwards when you are alone.
Show them that you are family oriented.Be flexible, dont analize them too much. Visit the ill relatives,go out of your way, show genuine family.
After the wedding they will throw their hands in the air and say "ti na kanoume" and will begin to love you and you will win their hearts.
You will weep when she dies.

October 18, 2008  
Blogger GreekGoddess said...

joyus- LOL! So true!

navman- Not sure if you'll read this but... My friend is a Greek woman who married a non-Greek man. Her family, especially the father, were totally against it and war ensued in that house for a year or so... but he loved her so much he put up with all of this and ended up marrying her and they are now happy with children and their families are getting to know each other's culture and providing the rest of us with much-needed amusement (and delight). So my advice to you is be strong and just go for what your heart wants... because a true princess will always be guarded by a fierce dragon.

karen- The only difference between the Jew and the Greek is Jesus. In all other ways they are exactly the same. You would be surprised how many Jews actually marry Greeks.

To all of those people who have noticed certain 'patterns' in Greek men, remember, there are Greek men and there are GREEK men. The ones who are Greek purely based on genetics but who have free minds are the safest bet for a happy marriage. Too many Greek men make their Greekness an issue because it grants them privileges. Alternatively, a lot of Greek women seek to escape their Greekness for the opposite reason.

October 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My son had a relationship with a lovely Greek girl, but her maternal grandmother dissapproves of her seeing my son who is not Greek. He is mixed Anglo Saxon and Chinese. He is a handsome engineer and has a good job. They really want to be together but she has decided to choose her family understandably so. My son is so heart broken because he knows that deep down she wants to be with him. I believe she is also heart broken. What is the best advice for them? Should my son do his best to win her grandmother over (he's never even met her) or just give up on her. They are in their early twenties.

October 26, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i married a greek when i was 23,he was so charming and romantic and generous,we really were in love,3years later we had a lovely baby,then he started going to his mothers for dinner,staying out all night,sitting in cafenions,we never went out and he was tight,after 12years i came back to lovely england and ever since hes never stopped pestering me to get back together,work that 1 out,greeks are only good for sex!

November 12, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am married to a Greek man and believe me it is very difficult. He is attached to his mother and sister as if he were still breastfeeding. His sister is never expected to contribute anything to help the family out but I am since I am married to the "leader" of the family. His family could be overbearing in their concerns about everything and yes the drama...I wish there was more time of less drama and more getting along. Should I voice my opinion about his family I am the bad guy. When we get along we are great but those spats in between seem to more or less revolve around his mother and sister. I sometimes think I should have not married a Greek man but someone more independent and not still suckling on his mothers breast.

November 19, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where do I begin....? I am from NY and my long term boyfriend is Greek American. I am fully aare that many multi cultural couples deal with issues but this is beyond ridiculous. His parents have lived in NY for 30 years but were born in Greece. They are completely not accepting our relationship. I have only met them one time in 3 years and it was for them to tell me (for and hour ) why I am no good and we should not be together. He has 2 sisters who are worse than his mother and countless cousins. I have yet to be invited to a family function or holiday and do not think our relationship will last. The thought of being hated by so many when they don't even know you is mentally exausting. I love my boyfriend, who I live with for 2+ years, but I do not think he is assertive enough to stand up to his family for what he claims he wants. He plays both sides of the fence. I do not reccommend this to anyone....unless you like mental torture. I wish you luck if this is the path you choose.

November 21, 2008  
Anonymous PikeMom said...

I have been married to a Greek American for 12 yrs now.I have found him to be very Metro Sexual,dramatic,stuck to his mom's Nips,a bit feminine.He has to have everything in it's place including me which usually doen't work out to well for him.We are both clean fanatics by most peoples accounts,so we do have something in common.I know they say opposites attract,but those very opposites can pull you apart!I have never met a man who is so unromantic in all my life.I am 47 yrs old and I have been around the block a few times.His Mother is/was so bossy and dominating along with his aunts that they were named the "three Generals".Don't do this,why do you drink a beer from a bottle,ladies don't do that,do it this way.I am Irish/Scottish and I dont take to kindly of being shoved around nor do I like being told that I have to attend all those irritating family gatherings.It is nothing more than a big show and a put on of the greatest fanily filled with love.In reality,they have unkind words about eachother yet get two-faced at gatherings.Marrying a Greek man and HIS MOTHER is not something I would ever do again.They turn their boys into what they want them to be and not let young boys in puberty be well...young boys.They teach them to "sit down to pee",which I find too feminine.The Greeks are loud people and love to over talk other's.You are always wrong no matter what!Thank God I never had any children by my husband.To my husband I am "beneath" him.It is true that Greek men want companionship but not an equal partner!

November 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I been married three times with a greek man and I was very happy with every one.I adore greek culture and greek love.They are number one for me.Thanks

December 08, 2008  
Anonymous Miriam said...

hello everyone,I am 25,from Romania,having for 5 months now a Greek boyfriend, raised and living with his parents in Athens. It's my best relationship so far,although I ve been engaged twice to Romanian men,I'd never get back to dating Romanians even if they would be the last men on this planet..My bf is 2 years younger than me, he's a medical student,final year,doesn't work,studies like crazy, we met online,as stupid as it sounds,and since day one of exchanging emails without meeting in person i felt he could be my One..he's amazing,maybe I'm plain lucky to have found a guy who doesn't create drama out of everything,who is the embodiement of romance,takes great care of me, even tries to learn Romanian! I wanna learn Greek too,we already hinted at a common future together, he's been here,I'be been to Athens, I'm going there again for New Year's..I still haven't met the parents, he really wants me to meet them,and from all he said and what they did for me, it seems they're over all the negative things and the initial shock of me not being Greek,etc...Your opinions have been a great help,so I wanted to post mine too,maybe someone who has found such an amazing Greek man too will find them useful..He really knows how to treat me,he's a man in all ways and makes me feel like the most gorgeous woman on Earth..I have fallen in love with him and he has too with me..I hope we'll stay together..Happy holidays,everyone,from Timisoara,Romania! Miriam

December 13, 2008  
Anonymous gerry said...

I am Irish and met my Greek God 2 yrs agoe. He liked his Ouzo.He was very direct with his comments which at times embarrassed me but over time Ive learned that his directness is not meant to offend, he just doesnt know a better way of saying things. His Ouzo intake has dramatically reduced, he works very hard and he loves to cook. The downside, he makes a lot of mess which I have to clean up. His Hard outer shell hides a soft interior and I love him to bits. His parents passed away long agoe but the rest of his family are lovely. The one and only thing that we argue over is the fact I dont speak Greek I am learning but it is difficult. We both have our cultural differences but accept them. I consider myself very lucky that I met him, he has made my life very interesting and Ive learned a lot over the past two years.

December 14, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think my case is somewhat different. I am a Greek woman married to an American man(NO GREEK IN HIM)!!! isnt that different or what?
Being Greek i thought i would never say this but i never liked Greek men. Not a bit. In all, they are NOT charming, NOT interesting, NOT faithful to any promises they make and they are so brain washed about their "role" in the society that makes me sick. Until i met my husband, who he is THE MOST AMAZING person, all my relationships were with Greek men, born and raised in Greece. They all had something in common:they couldnt stand the fact that a female can be much more active, spontaneous, clever than they are!!! Somehow i had to agree with whatever they said as correct, i had to suffer verbal abuse for no reason, i had to follow them everywhere and when they wanted to be alone i had to leave them alone. I had to cook for them, i had to care for them unconditionally even when they were verbally abusive!!!I had dated many different kinds of Greek men to see if something affects their behaviour(my own social experiment)and they all were the same. I dated men from the big city, men from the country side, men who had lived in a foreign country, men who were independent from parents since young age, men who were dependent on their parents for money. I can tell you that they all were the one word GREEK.And i happen NOT to like that attitude nor the way they think. Am not raised by my mom to be someones maid and i would like very much to have my opinion on matters, even if that means disagreeing.Its not the end of the world when things go wrong...I have nothing to relate to with greek men, although i was born and raised in Greece. Honestly before i met my american husband, i was on the verge of depression. I thought i would end up alone in life because of how greek men thought.
My husband has said more than once that he loves my "greekness".All the little quirks that make me greek. But am not giving him a hard with greek way of life. In fact he was insisting on marrying at a greek church the orthodox way, when i was the one begging for a civil wedding.He wanted the big fat greek wedding, i wanted something small and cosy,30 people the most :)He wants to visit my parents every so often, i am VERY HAPPY with staying away from them for a long long time. He is more greek than i am and believe me he doesnt do this to make me happy, HE REALLY WANTS to do them. He is not greek either. Not one hint of greek blood in him. German and British mostly!
Enough said...thanx for reading ya all

December 15, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found the posts most interesting and informative. I do however wonder why most(non Greek)women are requiered to convert to the Orthodox religion when they want to marry a Greek man? I moved to Greece in August 2007 from London, UK to marry my Greek man but I have no intention of converting to the Orthodox religion or naming our kids after my partner's parents names? I believe that real love will not require you to give up who you are and what you believe in in order to be accepted; No wonder divorse is on the increase in Greece(1 million greeks are divorced to date) not only in bi-cultural marriages but in Greek manaraged too. Daniela, London UK

December 29, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I live in the U.S. and have been dating a Greek-American for 2 years. He can be wonderful, but also stubborn and close-minded. The fights we have had always deal with his intense and sometime irrational loyalty to his mother and brother. His mother, who is needy and lonely, recently broke her leg and he is with her constantly. I get only an ocasional phone call from him. His brother, on the other hand, gets a pass because he is always at the family liquor store, which has been losing money and close to bankruptcy for years, but which he insists on keeping open because "it's all he knows."

December 31, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

very nice article... do u mind if i quoted it, thanks!!

January 24, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been dating a greek guy for 8 months. he is 26 years old and still lives at home with his parents. And we already dont get along because the culture is so differnt but im used to that because i dated a russian guys for 2 years and his parents hated me. so, i kinda got used to that. But his parents arent that bad they just dont say much. but he exspects a woman to do all the cooking and cleaning, thats how he was raised.he was born and raised hre in the us. but still lives by the greek culture. i get so mad when his mom brings in his clothes that she just washed, and then puts them away. its stupied hes 26.let him grow up tell him to do it is self. and greek guys are very strange they perfer something very strange in the bed room that i will not do. Its all about him, hes very selffess. and the celebrate for everything that drives me crazy. they even have a name day thats the most unusual thing i ever heard of. And hes not afficiant person very distant, only time hes afficiant is when he wants to make love. i care a grat deal about him but i will have to ajust to the cultural differnces.

February 04, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have recently (over the past 6 months) become involved with the man of my dreams... And yes, he is Greek but I am an Australian...

I had been friends with him over a period of approximately 5 years before we became a couple so you could say, we got all the problems out of the way first before we entered our relationship.

He is what you would call the modern Greek man but with several traditions/values of the old which I completely respect and adore about him. I am a woman that, how would you say, wants to be swept off her feet by the cavaleer but still wants to be my own person...

He has always allowed me to be the person I am and doesn't want me to change for anyone... including him, because in his words; "then I wouldn't be the person he fell in love with."

It is possible to meet a Greek man and still be treated like a princess. His family have welcomed me with open arms, are helping me to learn to speak Greek and prepare Greek food for which I have a genuine interest in both.

Long story short ladies & gents it is possible to be with a Greek and still have the fairy tale you always dreamed of. This is the man I know I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life. The only man I have ever truly loved...

February 16, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am british and my husband is greek american we live in greece and have been married for 1 year. When we were first together my husband was very american but as time has passed he has turned into a greek 99% and i really dont like it, he is now very lazy and does nothing around the house, whereas before, he would cook, clean etc and of course this was all to impress me, he does not listen to me when i am talking to him, he seems to find a conversation with a femal uninterresting yet with a male he listens very intensely. It is very true that it does not matter where a greek is born usa, australia etc when they come to greece the greek side of them rears it head. We are planning on moving to england at the end of the season, i am hoping that once he is living in england and mixing with the english the greek personality will dissapear and his american side will return and he will behave more like an english/american,

February 17, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a croatian catholic, from a radical catholic family in the south that has never, does not and probably will never approve of my relationship with a greek orthodox. :) don't really know how his parents relate to the issue. :D However, I am amazed by his family and his greekness. I like it that he's more of a drama queen than i am. We've been together for 3 years, with constant going back and forth from Croatia to greece and vice versa (which is darn hard when there are no bloody direct flights) and we're thinking of marriage.

I loved this post cause it's so much fun :) can't say that i noticed his mother being overly protective of him. She was kind of more into him taking care of me than me taking care of him. but i expect once married to her son this might change :D

March 07, 2009  
Anonymous nicole said...

hihi from what ive seen of greek boys this has a lot of truth to..and no matter how many annoying things i hear about greek boys all of the mood swings, jealousy and drama seems so worth it to have such a man hihi all of these things attract me!!! and im a really passive person ive totally accepted that greek boys will make my life hell and heaven at the same time so when i find a greek boy he can bring on all the bridal heartbreakes full force :Dthanks for posting this i love reading these

April 07, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Greek boyfriend and I have lived together for 5 years in the UK and moved to Belgium 6 months ago.
At the beginning of our relationship he was very 'Greek 'and as things got tough for him, all he talked about was giving up and going back to Greece. I have found with friends that once they 'go back' that's it- it's very hard to stay open and objective, even for those who have lived abroad. They are surrounded by a very narrow-minded negative (and even xenophobic) mindset.
I'm lucky because Nikos stayed in the UK and changed his attitue to take on opportunities and embrace the British culture as a part of his own. His temper (which often included sulking for days) mellowed and all the positives in his character blossomed.

I can definitely identify with many of the posts here- parental approval being the big one. His mother was adamant that I would not be welcome in their home as we were not married. Within hours of meeting me and for the rest of that 1st week in Greece she constantly apologised to me for being wrong! she now supports me over my boyfriend all the time, no matter what. I am very very lucky with his family, they are all wonderful caring people. To them, I could have three heads but as long as I love Nikos, that's all that matters. However it definitely makes a difference that I make an effort with Greek, patiently visit all the relatives and always offer to help round the house (which is usually turned down!) and like to cook for the family, giving his mother a night off. (As an aside Nikos is also a fantastic cook in his own right). But then I think that is what being a part of the family is all about, in any culture, not just Greece.

My parents have been more difficult as they think that as soon as we marry I am going to be tied to the kitchen sink, shoeless and cast down- which is such nonsense I don't know where to begin! Nikos and my mother have great difficulty getting along but I maintain that we are very happy and they just have to get on with it.

We accept we have cultural differences and we both respect each other's heritage. Nikos wants to wear a kilt to our wedding in Corfu next year!

My general advice in being a relationship with a Greek is to be yourself and don't forget your true value. Sacrificing your own happiness will not make you any happier with Greek Culture or in your relationship.

Don't think about what your families are saying about your relationship- look at what you both get out of it. You're the ones in the relationship, not them!
Don't listen to anyone that suggests you are 2nd class because you are not Greek!
But finally, the Greeks love to argue noisily and then it's all over and forgotten- give as good as you get and don't take everything to heart.

May 11, 2009  
Blogger Michigan said...

Oh my goodness, I have been reading these posts and I giggled with Self Pitty to everyone including myself. I have been involved with a Greek American for a couple years and "The Mother" and the "The Father" where do they get off thinking they should be the one to judge and decide the life of their son. Recently I have put a hault on our relationship as the attitudes and excuses for his family is driving me crazy. We will have plans and poof mom needs something. We will have plans and Poof Dad needs something. It's like they have a radar on him... Like oh call he's going on with that girl again. They do get emotional and scream and yell over the stupid things to say to them especially hear them roar when you call them out about his parents. If you like excuses and defending yourself then date a greek guy but for the love of relationship by some aspirin. I can relate to all the posts and I have seen it all. I am American and although I find extreme potential in my guy I cannot continue to live on how he has become. When we were first met it was all peaches and creme like most relationships but in the end your suggestions do not count. I think they don't even hear them. We argue a lot, too much as of late and I am beginning the think that this is NOT what I have signed up for. I mean defending what you want to do in life because mom has leg ache and doesn't know what to do. I would like to travel and kayak and play when I am not working not make plans and worry about mom and dad and being Greek Orthodox and speaking Greek. I mean I didn't speak greek when I met you I am not greek so I will not speak greek now and I was not Greek Orthodox when I met you nor will I become it just because it's the right thing to do so they say. God doesn't Care what religion you are as long as you Love Him "God" then he will take care of you.
Good Luck to all of you I feel your frustration and can relate to all the posts. It's amazing there's so many people typing on topic.

May 13, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just want to start by saying, that I do love my husband but being married to a Greek Man when your not greek is very hard. My husband is greek to the core. We met when I was 15, and dated for 10
years before we got married. At first I was not accepted into the family because I wasn't greek. Over time they did learn to love me. My husband pretty much forced me to learn greek, and expects for me to teach I children greek. The older I get the less I want my children to be brought up in this culture. I don't know what to do, it all becoming to much for me to handle. For anybody else who is thinking about marring a greek, and they are not. DON'T DO IT

May 13, 2009  
Blogger pjb said...

I was introduced to a Greek man at an online site. He was,and continues to be able to make me feel like no other man can in ways I can not even describe on here both online and via the phone! My problem is, I have not ever met him in person. He has, for at least the past 5 years that Ive been in contact with him, lived with, and taken care of his elderly mother with the assistance of a live in caregiver. I do believe this to be true as I know hes not married or living with someone. He rarely leaves his house either. We have had frequent 2-4 hour long conversations but due to his mothers language barriers, and poor health, and confusion, he will not develop a relationship other than the one that exists now until she passes..She is in her 90s and where I would be willing to assist in her care, he wont allow it..So now I just need to deceide if I care enough to wait another potential 10 years to be with him...I know it sounds crazy but I do think hes worth it... :)

June 07, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These are old comments...but most are from young people. There are lots of challenges in any marriage. My husband of 42 years is from a European (Polish/Austrian) descent and those old ideals existed early in our marriage. I was shocked his mother did his laundry when she came to visit as he was an executive. I realized after marriage that I was working, cleaning, cooking and paying the bills. So we had a conference to change this...sharing the load. My husband cooperated and learned to work with me. I am an independent American woman. My mother-in-law's husband died a week after we were married. So after many years, some with drama and no Greekness, I will each other and do your best with the family...less said is best. Some people are very prejudice. I like to call them preferential. People like others who are like themselves. Through the years you'll find we're all the same no matter the culture. Every man (every woman for that matter) would love to have a secretary, butler or cook not to mention nurse, etc. That's life...we have 4 adult children now who are all good hearted people. We are relatively close and visit esp. on holidays but we all live our own lives...not to control others or judge. Those old cultural ideals are fading away. It's hard sometimes we don't always agree so we agree to disagree on things. I feel we are partners and work together in tandem like a bike. He cooks, she cooks, he works, she works, anyone can drink alcohol or gamble or do antisocial acitivites in any culture. I converted to Catholicism to create harmony in our lives and it has been wonderful. Our children were given this opportunity as well. It's fun to read this blog, I love anything Greek. I've been all over Greece once and hope to travel there again. It's a lovely country with the history and heritage. It seems normal for a mom to love her son. I do. Our son is very independent of us and that's how our children were raised. But of course, again we're Americans. My mother-in-law was overbearing in the beginning of our marriage...but as time went on we came to love and respect each other. I let her have her way with the housework as it really helped with a large family. But in the beginning I was embarrassed to have her work around our home. It was her expression of love. That was all she could do. I cried the hardest when she passed away. You see we don't live forever and to love and be loved is a wonderful thing. People just have different ways of expressing it. There will always be drama no matter the culture...that's what long walks are for...without this drama life would be a bore. It's the making up that is the fun part. There is life after drama, sex, inlaws, kids, work...relax, be happy and good luck to all who marry Greek or is good!

July 12, 2009  
Blogger Gospa said...

I also met a Greek man about 3 years ago.I am not Greek,I live in Italy. I loved him very much-he so romantic,honest, passionate and deep person, but unfortunately he is too close to his mother. He is 40 years old and he still lives with his mother in the county next Italy.Even he never lived in Greece , he is complitely Greek !! I hope I will forget him one day....

July 15, 2009  

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