Wednesday, July 09, 2008

The Greek Family

We had so many comments in our article about Marrying to a Greek so we decided to publish them here in our new article about the Greek family. As the base of every family is marriage and relation between man, wife and relatives the following comments are very interesting because all have been posted from people that had close relations with a Greek family. The article will be continue in more details within the next days, so stay tuned and read for now the comments. If you want to add your comments feel free to post them here.

Anonymous wrote: Well, I used to work in Athens many years ago, for a good company, so I dealt with nice and educated people. I love Greeks and everything it comes to it culture, food) but for a relationship is thanks, but no thanks. For me, as a woman, I cannot deal with the "ego" that Greek men show and with the idea that it is "me and only me", the rest does not matter. It's hard but if you find the right person, maybe it's different. Anyhow, I had regrets that I did not marry a Greek guy, but all my friends in States congratulated me. And I saw another comment about the fact that all Greek men believe are "Mr.Right" and always right. But they are nice sometimes.

beths1216 wrote: I too was married to a Greek Man. It was the longest 8 years of my life! I lost everything that was important to me, My Identity, self confidence, I lived for him and only him. He felt that he was the most important person in the world and everyone came second. I was living on a time clock! I had to be home at a certain time everyday, could not go out with friends, My world had to be him and only him. He was especially spoiled by his overbearing mother, In her eyes he could do no wrong! I don't believe all Greek Men are like this, I just believe I picked a bad apple. Unless you are Greek, being married to a Greek man can be very difficult, It takes allot of patience and be prepared to give up allot of yourself. I do have to admit they can be romantic but it does not weigh out the bad.

inkyovos wrote: I have read this blog in friendster and I checked out the site and I
've read the comments also...I am a Filipina having a 6 years relationship with a Greek man. as far as I'm concern the "drama" that stating how Greek men are is absolutely true in the ancient time where Greek men treating Greek women the same as animals because they said that women generally have irrational thinking,lame,and just for the house but that was in the bronze age(mycenean world) but Greek men in the modern way (well not all ok)are just promises but are made to be broken...the first time I came here back in 2003 he said he will marry me but he didn't because he was uncertain, and when he came to my country again last year he said he will but it didn't haven't and now also that he brought me back here he said a lot of promises but it all torn into pieces in the contrary I think the real attitude of a Greek men nowadays is uncertainty and also added to that, though u have been step on their pride and principles they are also forgiving. right now I ain't hoping anymore for marriage as long as we understand each other and we love each other it doesn't matter anymore despite the cultural differences we have. thank you for posting this blog somehow it gave me some snapshots how to keep my Greek man:)

Ginny wrote: I am a British (English) woman who has been married to a Greek man for the past 4 years (we've been together for six). We have two wonderful children, a lovely home here in the UK.

I have been reading some of these posts in amazement as some of them appear to mirror my own thoughts on the trials of being married to a Greek man.

My husband, although a kind man, appears to have all the characteristics previously discussed on the board. He is obsessively jealous, ruled by his mother's doctrine, and selfish in regard to household chores. He will do his share of the housework but only in things that HE thinks should be done - everything else is left to me. He is moody and irrational whenever things go wrong but high in the clouds whenever things are going right.

He cannot stand my family and makes every effort to avoid visiting them or allowing them to visit me or our children. If my parents come to visit, he makes them uncomfortable until he practically forces them out of the door, constantly reminding me "This is OUR house!" (Translation: "This is MY house!"

To the other extreme, when we are in Greece visiting his family, I am expected to be polite, courteous and helpful to his mother and sister. I am expected to follow their advise and do as I'm told. Several times during our last holiday to Greece a couple of months ago, I was told by my husband, several times to offer my help to his mother in the kitchen. When I told him to offer his help he gave me a look that can only be that of a long-suffering parent explaining a complex issue to a small child. Eventually, he asked his mother if she needed any help and she refused saying that she would be fine. Less than five minutes later, when I offered my help I was given a list of things to do!

My husband hates not being in control of everything and has foul mood swings if he feels that he's not in charge and in control. His jealousy is something I find hard to swallow as it also affects my relationship with my parents. So far this year I have spent more time with his mother in Greece than I have with my own mother who only lives 2 hours away from me!

He seems to think that I should cut all ties with my family and concentrate my affections purely on his and cannot seem to understand the frustration his attitude brings me.

When we argue, he won't let me speak until he's finished his tirade but when I get my turn to speak he constantly interrupts me, puts words into my mouth and twists my meanings until I no longer remember my original point. At this stage, he declares that he has won the argument, becomes triumphant and I am forced to apologise regardless of whenever I started the argument or not!

The trials of being married to a Greek man are far harder than I ever imagined.

Anonymous wrote: My daughter wants to marry a Greek man. What can she do that nay help the females in the family accept her?

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am greek, born there, spent some time in the UK and now live in the States. When it came time for me to marry I looked for a woman who shared my interest in family, children and religion. Guess what? I married a Greek-American woman. And here is a news flash!! We don't have arguments about family, children, or religion. I am happy to care for our son and house,and when she asks me to help out in a task I go ahead and do it. How unusual that a happy partnership has resulted in 2 people who share household duties! It seems to me that all the happily married couples I know in Greece or the States share duties without a problem.The complainers are the ones with marriage problems. Are you from the UK and don't like your Greek husband? Well why didn't you marry the lout down the street who spends his evenings drinking at the pub? Don't like the fact that close members of the family sometimes may stick their nose in your business? Well you should of married that other guy whose family doesn't give a rats ass about you. Just don't rely on them to help in emergencies, or with children etc... You are on your own. The orthodox religion to stifling for you? Well if you had married that other guy you could have gone on beliving in ... well, nothing.Here is a point that is probably surprising to many on this blog. Just as you find some aspects of the greek culture difficult, you can be 100% assured that the greek men you talk about find aspects of UK or States etc culture difficult to understand as well. The point of all this is that marriage TO ANYONE is a critical decision and a happy marriage requires work. If you want fewer issues, marry someone of the same background/culture.If you venture further afield you had better learn to be accepting.

July 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Absolutely true about the dramatic mood swings! I'm so glad I found this posting because I was beginning to think that my husband was bi-polar or something. I am Polish-American and my husband is Greek-American. My mother died when I was 6 years old, so the biggest culture/marriage shock to me was his overbearing mother. I hadn't had one in over 30 years, so I had NO idea what to do with his mom when she came swooping into my life. Since getting married, we moved 500 miles away from both of our families ... best decision ever! We may eventually move closer to the in-laws again once we have kids, but for the beginning of our marriage, we needed the emotional space from everyone! All of the other scary-but-true-marrying-a-Greek-man-stereotypes I've been able to deal with, so things are pretty good. And I *AM* the least prioritized person in his family ... I neither converted to Greek Orthodoxy nor took his last name upon marriage! Ye Gads what a bad Greek wife I am! LOL.

July 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im not married to a greek man, but I do date one for quite some time now, and I can tell you that as far as I see from his family, father, uncles, cousin, etc., they do fit the stereotypes in this blog. The whole thing about having a mother that way deffenetley goes, my boyfriend gets to do any mess he wants and his mom will pick after him. Also they never seem to leave home entirely, although this is true about greek men, i think every culture and men themselves have some familiar qualities too. I hope that these things dont affect me and my boyfriend so much in the future.

July 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

im so glad i landed in this site. ive been crying my eyes out, coz i dont know what to do. ive been in a relationship with my greek boyfriend for almost 5 years now. i just got back recently to my asian home country after visiting him for a month in the UK. he's born and raised in the UK and stills lives under his parent's roof, and i came to stay with him there once or twice a year for 2 weeks since we got together. we met online, i didnt expect we would end up being seriously inlove and believing that we are soulmates. i havent had a bad time with his parents. they treated me with respect and they let me feel accepted in the family. my bf even told me that his grandparents cant wait to see me when we go to greece and his parents know that i am the woman he wanted to marry someday. everything in my last visits was like a fairytale... not until my recent visit, which ive notice a big difference... or hit me like a lightning just for me to realize what atmosphere Im in. his mother and i always had a long chat, wer she would ask how my family was etc... know she would tell me something like, "coz she had an only child, she wanted him to marry a greek girl". but she said she's open now and would say to her son "Marry WHOEVER you want". with her tone of voice and pushing away hand gestures i felt dismissed.i felt she didnt even consider me that i am the woman who her son wants to marry. she would also open up, like " my rich greek friends are asking me about my son to marry their daughter, but i just couldnt say anything about it" .what does she mean by saying these things to me? or maybe it's just all in my mind that's making me insecure now? i didnt know, she had thought of me as stupid for coming over there to meet his son coz we just met online. she even told me how awful my taste of clothes were.... why is she bringing up all these things? i havent had any of these in my last vacation with them... is she trying to push me away?.. she would also ask me to talk to her son about losing weight, getting a stable job, learning how to drive because she knows he would listen to me... there were instances where she would ask me to tell my bf to clean his room and ask him to do this and that... which led me and my bf having a huge argument! is she trying to plan this? i dont know how greek mothers think for their son.. is this her strategy?... i have lots of questions in my mind.. its hurting me like hell.. ive even saw my bf's true color when he's angry! he tell me that if i chose to go somewhere else (like going to paris to unwind) , then he would tell me "we're finished" and "dont try to come back here again!" i feel so devasted! i was the one who paid for everything to be with him in the UK and he will just treat me like crap?!i did that to show him that i love him.. which he always wanted me to do something to prove him ... i know he spent a fortune on phone bills on calling me everyday when im back in my home country, but i dont deserve to be treated like that. after that argument, he apologized to me and promised me he wont ever do it again.. and that he was wrong... i forgave him but its hard for me to forget with ive experienced. even im back home , it still haunting me down, and terrifying me not to go back in the UK again and see him. i told him over the phone that if he wanted to see him again, it will be the best time if he gets his own place and that we're both stable. i dont want to stay over his parent's house again after what his mom have been pushing into my brain. but he couldnt understand, he said im giving conditions now, asked me if i didnt appreciate what his parents did and gave me and that and that etc.... he's forcing me to answer and decide on abrupt questions... he kept on firing questions at me that it looks like im the one to blame. im also scared for accepting a favor from him coz most of the time in the past, he would throw at my face what he'd done for me.. and that making me feel that i owe him something... i cant go on like this.. im thinking of giving up the relationship... i even doubt now when he says 'i love u' coz before he say that, he would ask me if i love him first, then if i responded, then he would say it back, if i didnt he'll be in a foul mood. my point is, why cant he say it if he really mean it.. why it have to be based on my response? am i just too immature on these things coz he's my first love and im his first love.. i often ask myself now... should i give up? or it's worth fighting for after 5 years.......

---daisy

August 06, 2008  

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